Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
