Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He kissed a someone with a penis
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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