Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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