So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
