I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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