I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
