We're like a lot better than the average bears
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
