Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
