Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
