We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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