I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
