I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
