Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
