I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize