Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
