you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
