i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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