I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
