There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
