I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
