dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
