i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
