Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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