What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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