you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
