Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
