jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
