your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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