WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
