I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i think i just lost a toe
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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