Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
