Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
