Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sext me about skeletons
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
