My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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