Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
