I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
