Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
