i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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