They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
