get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Two words: blizzard sex
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
