Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
