So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
