I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
