I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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