Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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