isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
