his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
