We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
