In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
