apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
