On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
