no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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