i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
