Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
